Posted by Tim Stobbs on May 17, 2013
At some point in my teen years I had a realization. So I took took that very annoying fellow around the back and shot him in the head. Then I kicked the corpse into a shallow grave and dusted off my hands and said “Good riddance to that.” I shot and killed ‘Normal Tim.’
You might be wondering why I’m casually writing about murder, but in this case I’m referring to part of my personality. Back in your teenage years you might recall that desperate desire to just fit in and be normal. I called that part of myself ‘Normal Tim’ and the bloody annoying prick was just driving me nuts so I had to get rid of him. Hence the summary execution and no funeral.
The realization that lead to this situation was: I was just never going to be normal so I had to stop trying to be normal. It was exhausting work for me and pointless in the end. I’m just too much of a natural non-conformist to play that game. Unlike everyone else around me I never stopped asking “why” like a two year old. Why do people pay so money for clothes with funny ‘logos’ on them? Why can’t someone hang out with both the geeks and cool kids? Why are we doing geometry proofs when someone has obviously already figured out this works? At the time I annoyed more than a few people with my questions and comments.
Now ironically I paid a fair bit of money to do that same thing. I attended a meeting last week where I was asked for my feedback afterward. I replied, “The meeting was a waste of time as process around the meeting has over taken any reason on why you have the meeting.” Then I proceeded to provides a few examples on what the meeting could be used for and oddly enough I saw nodding heads.
People are aware of bullshit around them, but often don’t bother to give themselves permission to see it. So I ask questions to common things like:
- Buy the biggest house you can afford. Why on earth would I do that? I don’t need that much space (even with two kids and a dog).
- Eating healthy costs more. Why? Um, are you shopping in the same stores I am? Cabbage is cheap, so are apples, potatoes and lots of other options like kale. Healthy doesn’t have to equal expensive, or do you not know what ‘in season’ means?
- With the kids you will need two cars. Why!?!? I barely drive the one I already have and my wife works from home. Did all the buses and cabs stop running in the city?
Then there is my personal favorite “But you can’t retire before 45!” Why? I’m not normal, so why shouldn’t my retirement plan assume I’m working until my sixties? Hello, I haven’t had a ‘normal’ life for most of my adult life.
I’m not saying life has always been easy after getting rid of ‘Normal Tim’, but overall I’m a lot happier just being myself rather than who people think I should be. So when do you give up on being ‘normal’?
Posted by Sheryl on May 8, 2013
This is a guest post from Sheryl in Ontario, who is 41 years old with a grown daughter, and is trying to rebuild her retirement dream just 20 years too late for early retirement.
Why do we like to believe that we are somehow the exception to the rule? Almost everyone I know does this in some way.
From the first time I went into debt, I wanted out, and that was over 20 years ago. From the first time I gained extra weight, I wanted to be rid of it. The principles are the same for both. Spend less than you earn, or eat less (calories) than you burn. I listened to the media too much. Everyone promised a way out. Everyone had a way of making it easy, or so they claimed. Over the last 20 years, I think I have tried every budget trick, and weight loss diet in an attempt to change my life. That was the problem though, I changed things (temporarily) but I didn’t change me.
I started thinking more about this recently. I am now managing my money better than I ever have in my life, and for two months now, I have made a change to my eating habits and feel that I am securely on the road to achieving a healthy weight.
There are a few people in my life that have debt problems and are overweight. Over the years, we have tried doing several tricks to get us out of debt and thin. When I started saying no to spending, I was asked about what I was doing, I explained about the concepts or spending less than you earn, and being happier with what I buy. A few people started clipping coupons, but still showed up to work with a take out coffee that sat on their desks and eventually got thrown out. When I started to lose weight, I was asked, and I explained what I was doing. Counting Calories. All of them. Weighing and measuring my portions. Tracking calorie intake and exercise expenditure. I do it all online for free. The others joined me, lost a few pounds, but then what I interpret as their need for special treatment kicked in. “I can’t do this because I have lots of social eating things to go to”, or “This shouldn’t be working because it is too easy, I need to eat –xxx– and I can’t do that on this program”, or “I can’t not spend because I’m (insert life excuse here)”.
I get it. I used to be that way.
I used to believe that simple math wouldn’t work, that somehow, when Saturn aligns with Venus, while soaking in the light of a new moon, if I froze my credit cards in Cabbage Soup while only eating fruit before noon and boiled chicken breasts at night, the universe would implode for just long enough to create a magic bullet that would solve all my problems.
Reality is boring. Repeating the habit day after day can be mind numbing IF THAT IS ALL YOU THINK ABOUT. It took me a while to learn to just set up a system, and let the system work for me. On any given day or week, I can eat X # of calories, and spend Y dollars. That is all. It works, but it required a change in my belief system to make it happen. It is hard to describe what that change was. Maybe it was a shift to concentrate on what made me truly happy instead of the bandaid solutions that I used to employ. Maybe it was disconnecting myself enough from the circus of social expectations to realize who I am and what really matters to me. Maybe it was caring enough about myself and my future to fully comprehend that when I feel rebellious and try to cheat the system, I am truly cheating myself.
Posted by Sheryl on April 24, 2013
This is a guest post from Sheryl in Ontario, who is 41 years old with a grown daughter, and is trying to rebuild her retirement dream just 20 years too late for early retirement.
Focus. I sometimes wonder if I focus too much. I get into a routine, devoting attention to certain areas in my life, and the next time I look up, two months have passed.
After my spending challenge at the beginning of the year, I kept that momentum going, sending as much money to pay down my debt as I could. I think I went overboard though. I may have reduced too many things in my life. I am still happy, but knowing how many kilometers I can drive on my gas budget, and leaving no budget allowance to go for a beer and wings, my life has fallen into the cycle of sleep, work, eat, repeat.
I think if I were left to my own devices, I think I would be a hermit. I am lucky enough that the real friends I have know and understand that. It just doesn’t occur to me to contact someone unless I have something I need to communicate with them. Both of my best friends know that it is not unusual for them not to hear from me for a month at a time. It’s not that I don’t care, if they called and asked for my help, they know I would drop everything to be there for them.
I interact with my co-workers everyday, both about work stuff and non-work related life stuff, and that seems to be more than enough social interaction for me right now. Many times, I’m glad at the end of the day to be able to go home and not have to talk to anyone (except the cats) for the rest of the day. My boyfriend lives with me, and works some evenings and weekends, and I find that works well as we both get time alone, as well as time together.
How will this work for me when I eventually retire? I’m hoping I will be able to balance social time with alone time well enough to keep myself, and the people in my life, happy. I don’t worry about being bored when I don’t have to go to work anymore, I’m more concerned that by not being forced to have social interactions (like at work), I may become a reclusive eccentric old cat lady. 
For now, I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing, it seems to be working. For all that has happened in my life, I’ve always landed on my feet (sometimes with a stumble), my fate is not written anywhere for me to follow, I make it up as I go along. I’ve learned that once I figure out a way to commit long term to something, I can accomplish anything, and I might decide to become a crazy old Alpaca farmer lady instead, by choice.
