I think perhaps people assume that when you give notice at work that it should be some sort of big deal. There should be shock, drama and all sorts of interesting things. In my case, it was mainly boring, except for one thing. Why was it boring? Because everyone involved in this decision knew it was coming.
It all started way back almost a year ago when I mentioned my plan to leave work would likely occur in the next year during my performance review (please recall I do blog publicly about my plans so work has been aware of them in some form for the last five years or so). My boss and I were discussing how much notice he would like and we agreed to a figure of at least three months.
Then earlier this year during the work planning cycle I mentioned that I was concerned about taking on a project that I wouldn’t see the end of. So I provided an updated on my plan and said that I would likely provide official notice after my summer vacation (I figure no one should make that sort of big decision without first being calm and relaxed – you know that feeling you have after not being at work for like two weeks). And on top of that, I have even been dropping comments into conversations with co-workers that I would likely be leaving work this calendar year.
So like I said everyone involved knew this was coming, hell, I even had an appointment for 8am on the day I got back to work from my summer vacation to officially provide my retirement notice. The meeting was only ten minutes long. I handed over my letter of official notice (that I wrote six months earlier) and had printed off over a month ago (it was sitting at the bottom of a file at my desk just waiting for me to sign it). So the conversation was short and I explained that my last day was Oct 27, 2017, but I was going to be on vacation prior to that so my last day in the office is Sept 15, 2017. I then entered this information into our online system (which by the way I actually submitted my retirement notice, I didn’t just resign) and with a click of a button my days as an employee were numbered (because it says right on the form you can’t delay or revoke your retirement after you submit it).
Therefore on the process side things went very smooth so far and no drama or surprises. Yet what I wasn’t fully prepared for was the emotions that ran through me on this day. I woke up sort of nervous. You know like when you have a important meeting or presentation to do. I got to work and I got a little light headed and clamming skin right before the meeting (again nervous…after all I was ending my career here). Then afterwards things got worse, I didn’t calm down or get better. In fact, I was a ball of conflicting emotions. I had feeling of being excited, fear, worry, anxiety and a good dose of thinking “what the hell am I doing?” all at the same time. It was like my entire body was vibrating on a slightly different frequency than normal. Then the nausea hit in the early afternoon and I went home sick for the rest of the day. I hoped it was food poisoning but in fact it may have just been emotional overload.
So despite having read a library of material on retirement I still wasn’t prepared for the emotional impact that hit me. You can think you are ready, but nothing will prepare you for actually ending your career and jumping into your new life. I wonder what other surprises await me in the days ahead.