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Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Ensuring Stability

Posted by Dave on October 7, 2014

Dave is also looking to retire no later than 45, but unlike Tim has no kids and doesn’t want any. Dave is from Ontario and is working towards his CGA certification.

I am generally a pessimist. I almost constantly assume that the worst is going to happen, which is the reason I am probably over-insured and also the reason why I have a much higher level of savings sitting around doing nothing than is perhaps necessary. My wife would probably classify me as a “Debbie Downer” (Youtube has some very humourous Saturday Night Live clips that may have been brought up in my house as examples).

Sometimes though, I do sit back and look at how lucky I am. Yesterday, I had a great day. I woke up a little earlier than I should have, after a late night of playing board games. I came home, “researched” for my NHL pool that I will probably lose at for the 15th straight year. I also found some reasonably priced “Book of Mormon” tickets to see over the winter, which I’ve wanted to see for a while. Finally, I made plans to cook a big turkey dinner for my wife and I and some friends next weekend, which I’m looking forward to. In all, it was a great day for me. I have a bunch of stuff to look forward to in the short and long-term and got to trash talk my friends during the hour and a half that the hockey pool took.

So, although I’m a pessimist I really like my life. I wake up most days looking forward to what I get to do that day, even at work. To that end, next week I’m ensuring that there are no significant changes to my family situation, by removing my ability to procreate. I’m positive I don’t want kids, and my wife is adamant in her desire to remain childfree. I have volunteered to do this for our “family” because it is much less invasive, and is supposed to heal much easier for guys than girls (which I guess I’ll see).

I have no interest in changing my lifestyle, and neither does my wife. We don’t want to have to concern ourselves with worrying about birth control for the next twenty or so years. For me and my wife, this permanent decision makes sense – it’s really just one less thing to have to worry about for the two of us, so we can carry on with the good times.

I thought as a childless 34 year-old, there would be a bit of a cross-examination by either my nurse practitioner or doctor. Both basically asked “are you sure?” and “you know this is permanent, right?”. I went for my consultation in June, and booked the operation for after golf season, next week. I’ll be taking a couple of days off work to play video games and heal up.

Sorry for the possibly “Too Much Information” health post, I would say that it aligns with my future plans, leading up to retirement. More specifically, it solidifies my childfree status – as long as the surgery works. While I think Early Retirement is more than possible with kids, for us, it would make it much more difficult to even think about making it work 10 years from now.

Comments

15 Responses to “Ensuring Stability”
  1. I think this is a great frugal choice!

    We’re planning on getting the Mr. snipped but just haven’t picked a time yet. We have one kid and aren’t planning to have any more.

    From everything I know about the procedure it really is MUCH more invasive and more difficult for the woman to get her tubes tied.

  2. Peter says:

    I don’t think this a frugality choice – sure you could save money by not having a family. But I think most people who make this choice do so because they just don’t have the desire to lead that life. Not to save money.

    However one aspect that I wonder about is do you adjust your financial planning knowing that you will not have children to help care for you in your old age? Meaning you would need more resources? Not that you would live with your kids as you age – but you might get assistance from them dealing with health issues and without that might need to have more resources to plan for care.

  3. Dave says:

    @ Peter – This is definitely not a frugality choice. It is mostly a solidification of a lifestyle decision my wife and I have had for almost the past decade, and as I noted, one less thing we have to concern ourselves with.

    I don’t really see any need for additional planning. If I would have had kids, I wouldn’t have depended on them for anything anyways. Both my wife’s and my parents have no expectations of any of their kids to look after them financially. Personally, I think it’s irresponsible to do this to your kids – you’ve had (on average) almost 7 decades to get to have savings.

    Presumably, if someone is retiring at 65 or 70, a parent would have had 40-50 years of being childfree (if their kids left at age 20). There should be minimal reasons to ask for additional help.

  4. deegee says:

    I knew at age 20 I would be childfree which was about 15 years before I realized I could retire early. That being said, I would definitely recommend that anyone wishing to retire early be childfree, especially if they are “fence-sitters” about having kids.

    Dave, you are quite right about not wanting to have kids just to “enslave” them into taking care of you when get old. And what guarantee will there be that they have the means and desire to do so? The nursing homes are filled with old people put there by their kids and forgotten about. Those old peoople had kids, making themselves poorer, then ended up without their kids taking care of them, the worst of all worlds.

  5. Chris says:

    Seems very sad to me knowing how much joy my kids have brought into my life. At 34 I was sure we were not having kids and told everyone we weren’t going to yet 3 years later my wife and I decided we did want to. Had our first when I was 37 and second at 39. I cannot really express how much better life is as a father and I seriously think you should wait a couple more years before making it permanent.

  6. jon_snow says:

    I’m probably going to visit “Mr. Snip” in 2015.

    Might have regrets about not having kids someday, but right now, having executed my ER plan and enjoying my life as I never have before… I would do it again the same way in a heartbeat.

  7. Joe says:

    Selfish idiot. Its not about the rambling diary of your lifestyle choice but how dull and hopelessly boring your lives are now at such a young age! You’ve certaintly packed it in all right. Enjoy the silence.

  8. Peter, if you were referring to my comment, when I said he made a great frugal choice, I was referring to his choice of birth control, not his choice to be child free.

  9. Paul N says:

    Wow this has turned into a good discussion. I’ll start this from the other end 50ish decided not to have kids. Also decided not to marry. I have had and still am having a FANTASTIC life. Thank you very much. Seen a lot of the world and had some great experiences. The last thing I want is a almost 30 year old kid still at home draining my retirement savings. There are many of those in that situation.
    @ deegee you are so right.
    @ Dave – what kid leaves at 20 in 2014? None of them.
    @ Chris kids aren’t for everyone they can always adopt if they change their mind. Too many people in the world anyway. Global warming would be eliminated in short order.
    @ joe the definition of boring is basically the day you decide to follow this almost script of get married, have some kids, get old, rinse repeat. If you are lucky you will actually have good kids. I have experienced many a family that do not and it destroys the family. So there are two sides of the coin. There are risks that you can pay for your entire life. Dude your life is the boring one, enjoy it falling asleep in your chair watching American idol or being your families taxi driver and paycheck.
    In Canada there is a new stat. There are now more singles than married people. Why do you think that is? Is everyone selfish? That is such a poor comment. Is the silence better (on a beach in Hawaii) or your kid coming back home for the 30th time after being kicked out 29 times previously.

  10. Meena says:

    Got my tubal 1 month after I got married when I was 31. Like Dave the doctors were surprisingly easy to convince, which was nice. I have no regrets. There are lots of ways to have kids in your life without having them biologically.

  11. SteveM says:

    Hey Dave

    Good on you for making the decision that is the correct one for you and your wife.

    Don’t let the Joe’s of the world have any impact on what’s right for you and your wife as always find it amazing someone feels their random internet opinion should impact how other people live their lives.

    I have had the snip myself a few years ago and was actually pretty benign for a procedure as was back in business within just a couple days. Never regretted the decision for a second as my wife and I had no interest in raising kids of our own so on exactly the same page as you. Never had the urge to procreate as wired different that most other folks.

    Funny how this decision causes so much angst for many others as they feel everybody else lives should look exactly like theirs and had all kinds of comments that my life is going to be horrible now without kids to take care of. Pushing 50 now and never regretted this snip at all as became one less thing to have to worry about.

    The thing that I find humorous is have never commented once to anyone with multiple kids that can barely afford to take care of them (since is none of my business) yet the double standard exists that random people can discus my family decisions to not have kids.

    Been lectured more times than I can remember by completely random people who somehow become defensive about their own decisions and tell you how selfish you are etc. without knowing the first thing about you.

    Have to laugh it off after a while as have lots of kids in our life but is nice to give them back at the end of the visit.

  12. Donna says:

    I commend you for your decision. You are lucky. I have always known I did not want kids and I have never wavered or regretted that decision but it took me 13 years to find a doc who would tie my tubes.

    I am planning for retirement and old age by using something called personal responsibility. Just as I would never have had kids with the expectation that there would be someone to look after me, a terrible burden in my opinion, I also am not planning based on the fact that there will be a huge inheritance for me someday.

  13. Geoff says:

    I absolutely love being a parent (became one at 32).

    Do I think if you know you never want kids at 34 you should get the snip? Hells yes it’s your life, do what you want.

    If you were my son I would advise you to wait until 40, but really its’ your life, have at it (or not).

  14. Jacq says:

    Wow. I LOL at these children / not children discussions. People that want kids – have them. They’re awesome and they’re fun and they’re hard to deal sometimes but damn, do you grow personally in raising them. People that don’t want kids – they’re irritating and they’re restricting and they’re expensive – don’t have them. But don’t procrastinate for years / decades on getting snipped etc. Seriously, I just want to know what took so long to get here if you knew a long time ago this was where you wanted to be. But I know you won’t reply so… yay operation.

  15. Dave says:

    @ Jacq – I procrastinated for a while (well, a few years) because I’m a wuss. My wife and I have been married 5 years now and dated a couple of years before that, at no point did either of us ever have any desire for children.

    She’s now 31, and I’m 34 – I figured the sooner she could get off of hormones (birth control), the better (at this point) – I’m not sure what the right age to do this is. I did the initial consult in June, and waited until after golf season this year, giving myself 6 weeks to heal up for sure before I go float around in a Pool in the Dominican Republic at the end of November.

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