Why? Because I feel like I have failed you. I’ve been on auto writing of random thoughts for the last few months because I’ve haven’t had my heart into writing. So for every crappy post you have read on this blog I offer my regrets. If you are still reading this blog…you are better person than I am.
So what’s up? I’ve been blue. 🙁 Not depressed, but rather a bit overly stressed at work and feeling sorry for myself. Nothing overly serious, but never the less it was real. It affects you in a bunch of subtle ways, but most of all I get seriously non-productive when I get this way (or if you prefer lazy).
Yet yesterday something wonderful happened…I got happy again. Not your basic laugh track happy, but rather spotlight brilliance happy and I’m sorry for blinding you with my silly grin all day. Nothing in particular turned the tide, but rather just the day to day of living life and things just got better. Perhaps it was getting more a few more minutes of sunlight today, or perhaps it was I stopped stressing about things I can’t change or perhaps it was the fact I remembered to feel hope that the world can get better. I don’t know, but I’m grateful it did happen.
I think what honestly happened was the let down after paying off the mortgage. What?!? You see I’ve been living and breathing that goal for the last three years so when it was finally done and I had no more interim goals until retirement which is like seven years away…I felt empty. I think over the holidays that excitement kept it tolerable, but in the cold dark of February with nothing to look forward to the let down hit.
You see the reality is once you pay off your mortgage…nothing changes. You still go to work, you still have the rest of your bills, and the rest of your life. Yes you have more numbers in your bank account at the end of the month, but that is it. Sorry if you had thought it would be more interesting that that, but in reality not much changes.
Granted there are some upsides to it, like I handle the unexpected expense effortlessly now. Or the fact, I could quit my job tomorrow and pay the bills with a minimum wage job. There is potential there for things, but I’m not using any of it right now…so things are well sort of boring. Hence the let down, since I was focusing a bit too much on the potential, rather than the actual change (which was nothing).
So where do we go from here? I don’t know, but something will change. What? I don’t know, but I welcome any ideas you have. What would you do if you paid off your mortgage? How would you change your life?