Posted by Canadian Dream on November 25, 2011
I’m standing in what other would perhaps consider a palace. There is so much marble its almost ridiculous, indoor swimming park, ice rink, mini golf course and more shops that you can easily keep track of…aka West Edmonton Mall. Ironically I don’t consider the mall a palace, but rather a temple to the only god we all seem to worship some days: consumerism or perhaps the god of wants? I’m not sure which is a better name.
So according to typical beliefs I should be seriously enjoying myself, but in fact I’m not having much fun at all. Since I’m still on my challenge of not buying stuff, I can’t actually buy the vast majority of the stuff for sale in the mall (at least for myself). For a while I’m almost depressed by the idea, but then I recall I can still get some Christmas shopping done while I’m here and I can buy consumables. So I buy a coffee. Yet that was it for an entire day. I couldn’t find anything that I really wanted to give someone else.
Perhaps because of my recent luck of buying my wife’s birthday gift which was some classes and hand soap. I’m looking beyond the world of stuff for gifts, while I won’t always work out I’m at least trying and did manage to get another gift as a consumable for a friend (a very nice bottle of rum).
Then while I’m in my class for the day, my wife took the boys and did experiences for most of the day. They played mini-golf and hit up the asumement park. They were excited by their day of experience and if I would have to guess they enjoyed that much more than getting stuff the day before that. So perhaps my depression about not getting stuff was like many people on diets. I was focusing on what I couldn’t do, instead of what I could do.
Later this week I went back to the mall and trying it again with different eyes. I don’t need to get stuff for myself to be happy. I can get something for others and I’m trying to realize that there is life beyond stuff. Frankly as my kids already know…experience much better than stuff anyways. (By the way, I did finally buy something for myself before leaving the mall…a box of sample teas, but that was it.)
Posted by Gwen on November 23, 2011
This is a guest post from Gwen in Ontario, who is 39 years old with a grown daughter, and is trying to rebuild her retirement dream just 20 years too late for early retirement.
I have a week off work. I get paid for my vacation weeks, and it doesn’t benefit me financially to not take them. Not having money to go away for several years now, I have developed certain routines while I’m not at work. My main goal is to recharge my energy levels so I’m not walking around exhausted all the time.
That being said, I also feel some responsibility to my parents. They are always there for me (as I try to be there for them), and over the years, my “vacation” time has also become time that I take them to places they wouldn’t go without me. They are financially stable (and have bailed me out at times), but they are elderly. Driving anywhere over an hour away usually includes an overnight stay for them. They used to be snowbirds while they could still make the trip, but have not done so for a few years now. My mother especially misses grocery shopping in the U.S.. There are many products that we cannot get in Canada (both my parents are diabetic, and the selection of sugar free items is far greater south of the border).
Clothes are the thing I go for on these trips, I’m 5’10″ (and live in a short demographic area) and finding pants long enough for me usually involves going to a tall boutique (big $$). From my experience, the stores in the U.S. carry more sizes, including tall, and I can usually find something that fits and is of decent quality for $20-$25. I know the cost of the gas to get there negates any savings, but seeing how happy it makes my mum to go out on such a day trip, (and we share the gas cost) I feel it is worth it.
That brings me to the habit part. I have felt that I have been doing so well controlling my expenses, tracking what I spend, changing my thought patterns so I don’t feel deprived. Keeping my eye on the long term goal, I was quite surprised how as soon as I crossed the border, it was like the old me came back and with a license to spend. I didn’t go too overboard, I had planned on replacing a pair of shoes that had recently worn out, and my one pair of jeans that were so old (zipper broken, holes, etc) they were embarrassing to wear in public. I didn’t plan on the sweater that looked good with the jeans, or the stop smoking kit I purchased as a gift for the boyfriend.
I call this a habit, because I believe that sometimes when I am changing something in my life, and have been successful for at least a few months, and I find myself in a situation that I have not encountered since the change began, all the triggers are there for the old behaviour. I first found this when I quit smoking, it had been 4 years since I had quit, but then I went to a place I previously smoked at, and it suddenly hit me that I should be smoking. I had been told of this reaction when I’d quit, but had forgotten. I didn’t smoke, I distracted myself, reminded myself that it was just a Pavlovian reaction, and was mindful of it any time I went to an old haunt again. It never occurred to me that in changing my spending style, I would be faced with this reaction again.
I compare this to weed pulling because, if you want to rid an area of weeds, you have to make sure you get all the roots out as well, or the weed will grow back. I don’t want to go back to that old me that was just hoping for the best when it came time to retire, so I’m using this experience to be more mindful in the future. I won’t stop taking my mum places (who knows how many more years I’ll be able to do things to make her happy like that), but I will plan in advance more knowing I’m entering tempting territory.
Posted by Dave on November 22, 2011
This is a guest post by Dave, who is also looking to retire no later than 45, but unlike Tim has no kids and doesn’t want any. Dave is from Ontario and is working towards his CGA certification.
In my “debut” post 2 years ago, I discussed my wife’s and my aversion to having children. This past weekend we talked about this again and are still fairly steadfast in maintaining our childless household. This is kind of an amusing viewpoint to have, as I am writing this post while going to see my new niece, just born an hour ago (apparently my brother doesn’t really agree with me and my views on children as this is his second girl born in 17 months). My wife and I spent the weekend with our nephews, aged 8 and 4 and after we were done playing with them (which was fun) we were both very happy for the quiet ride home.
In the past two years, my views haven’t really changed around having kids although I think my reasons have a little bit. In my first article, I wrote about how expensive kids would be and how it would limit my chances of retiring early. Since then, I have come to believe that kids are as expensive as you make them. If you go out and outfit an entire room with fancy furniture, buy disposable diapers, and attempt to buy your kid a good childhood, then I could see how having children could easily approach the average cost of $250,000 I quoted in my original post. Otherwise, I think costs could be kept down fairly low.
Where my views have changed, beyond my own personal preference to be free to do what I want to do when I want to do it (maintaining what could be called a selfish lifestyle) I really don’t know why I would add to the population. The UN recently had a huge celebration that we as a species have achieved a population of 7 billion people. For me to make a decision to add to this, is essentially being selfish. I can’t really see how me and my wife adding to the population is really going to help anything. The only reason I would be having a kid is because I would want one, as the choice is available. Everyone out there adding to the 7 billion people on the planet is basically saying “What’s one more person?”
I’m not getting all Malthusian here or anything, I’m sure that we’ll somehow figure out a way to get more food for the next 7 billion people on the planet – I’m simply saying that, from the standpoint of the species as a whole maybe we should calm down a little bit in our population growth. I don’t think the addition of another few billion people is going to have a positive effect on the planet, but nobody really talks about that (I’m going to say that population control is not a very popular campaign to run on).
So, no real change here, from my wife or myself. We love kids, we just love to be done with them after a visit. We are enjoying our freedom, and the maintenance of our DINK status.
I understand that this is kind of a charged subject, but my question of the day is can you see how down the road the planet will be a better place if we maintain our current level of growth? Thinking of this, would you think twice before adding to this growth?
