Lifestyle Design – Part I

Posted by Tim Stobbs on April 7, 2010

So after thinking about my last post for a while I determined I’ve been thrown out of whack by taking on a second job.  I enjoy the job itself, so that isn’t the problem, but rather my problem is how much time that job is sucking up from the rest of my life.  The end result is I’m stretched too thin because I haven’t been honest enough with myself to say my life has changed so I need to determine what to keep in my life and what to dump off.

So that is the problem.  I’ve got too much on my plate, so know I have to look at ways to alter my lifestyle to best use what time/money  I do have to achieve what I want most (also referred to as lifestyle design).  So let’s look at what I am doing.

In any given week I have approximately 115.5 hours less the time I spend sleeping.  Out of that time I do the following larger time items which I’ve attached several points (pro, con, possible change):

1. Day job for 38.9 hours a week, plus 2.5 hours commuting.  Pro = good pay, lots of time off and interesting work. Con = a company work culture that is resistant to change which results in my frustration at times.  Possible change = In 2011, use flexible benefit to increase time off by 7 days/year to help offset board job time requirements but this would mean less money into my pension plan.
2. Board job = 10 to 15 hours a week. Pro = meaningful and interesting work, decant pay for the hours.  Con = unpredictable time requirements and I’m stuck with the job until my term ends in the fall of 2012.  Possible change = skip more optional events that don’t require my attendance.
3. Blog = 5 to10 hours a week. Pro= meaningful work and interesting discussion. Con = poor pay and leaves little time for other writing.  Possible change = Cut back on posting frequency.

In total that means just those three activities are eating up on average 60.9 hours a week or just about half (53%) of my waking time during the week.  That doesn’t include doing cooking, cleaning, playing with kids, or having anything that resembles a relationship with my wife.  So if you add in an estimate of those that cuts into another 35 to 40 hours a week, leaving me with 17.1 hours a week for any everything else I need/want to do in a week like visiting friends/family, relaxing or working on hobby projects: writing a book and home improvement.

To some people 17.1 hours to do that might be enough, but you have to recall I used to have another 10 to 15 hours in the slot that I’m missing from the board job.  I like my free time and I’m sorely missing it now that I’ve given up so much of it to a single thing.  So tomorrow’s post I’ll look at what I want to do with what time I have and what that could cost me.  Then on Friday’s post I’m going to make some decisions and start making changes.

Do you have an Exit Plan?

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2010

I don’t have a prenuptial agreement with my wife.  We talked about it (or I did) and the subject was dropped as some of the parties involved in the discussion found the whole thing mildly offensive.  Although not a very romantic idea (there is really no good way to bring up the end of a marriage before the wedding has even taken place) I think this kind of arrangement has merit and should at least be taken under consideration.

On top of a prenuptial agreement, I think that couples at some point should have a realistic discussion of custody for children and other shared property.  Maybe I’m a little odd, but according to 2008 estimates from Statistics Canada, 38% of all marriages in the country end in divorce (a low of 22% in Newfoundland and Labrador to a high of 48% in Quebec – the latest US statistics show 44%).  If I have a 4 in 10 chance (statistically) of something like this happening, I think at least a general discussion at some point in the relationship is warranted.

Having previously failed at a prenuptial, and besides the fact that I (and hopefully my wife) are very happily married, we have discussed some of the rules of divorce – after reading up on them for a friend who is going through this event, and now understand the basics of the law and who would get what (she believes I should have to pay a 25% tax because she is by far the more attractive of the two of us – something I don’t deny, but I’m unsure I should have to pay for ).  Beyond that, we don’t really discuss the end of our relationship – it’s just not that nice of a topic.

Here are some of the interesting things I did find out about divorce and separation law (in Ontario):

There are several ways that a separation can be arranged:

1. An informal arrangement (verbal or in writing)
2. Write down your decisions in a separation agreement, which must be signed by a witness.
3. Through a mediator or arbitrator.
4. Through the use of collaborative family law.
5. By going to court and asking the court to decide.

The Family Home –   Both parties have a right to stay in the home – basically, you can’t be kicked out by your spouse – there has to be an agreement of who gets to stay.

The Divorce -  A couple can get a divorce by proving that the marriage is over either by:

1. Showing that they have been separated for a year.
2. Proving (not sure how) that your husband or wife has had a sexual relationship with another person.  Or,
3. Your husband or wife has been physically or mentally cruel to you.

Child Support – I didn’t know that there was a table for child support that sets out the amounts based on the person’s income who is paying child support.

Spousal Support -  Is dependent on many factors that need to be well documented, such as:

1. The age and health of the couple;
2. Available employment opportunities;
3. The effect being married had on employment opportunities;
4. The contribution made to family care during the marriage;
5. The family’s standard of living

I’m not sure how different other Provinces laws are, but those were the “high” points of this somewhat morbid topic for me, and I am hoping I never have to utilize the knowledge gained in this reading.

Do you and your spouse have a pre or post nuptial agreement?  Have you discussed what would happen at the end of your relationship?

What Matter Most: Important vs Urgent?

Posted by Tim Stobbs on April 1, 2010

I recall taking a time management course a few years back that pointed out most things in life are either important and/or urgent.  The urgent stuff usually gets done first, regardless of if it is important.  For example, do you check your email right after you get a new message at work?  95% of the time it’s only urgent in your mind yet not important to do.  So we fill our lives with the little things like checking email meanwhile what is important but not urgent languishes on our to do list for a long time.

I’ve been guilty on not taking this concept far enough in my life.   I haven’t been asking myself what’s important to me to obtain my long terms goals of being happy and retiring early.  I’m been in a almost pure reaction to what’s urgent at home for months now with regards to happiness.  I haven’t asked what is important for me to be happy and how do I make that part of my daily life.

So I have pushed off things that I enjoy like:

• Working on my book more than once every two weeks.
• Starting a new batch of wine.
• Tiling part of my fireplace with granite.
• Planning our garden for spring and planting some seeds indoors.

Instead I keep working on things that just come up, so I end up reacting rather than planning my life. Therefore if you have noticed my blog posts have been lack luster for a while, you can blame that on I’ve been on autopilot for months now.  I haven’t felt engaged in much of what I’ve been doing so my creative process on ideas for posts which was often a fire hose at times has lately been a trickle.  That to me is a sure sign of something is wrong, but I wasn’t ready to see it.

This entire revelation came out of a meeting with my boss at my day job in which we were talking about strategic planning for our department.  Which to me is very ironic that it took my day job to tell me why I had been unhappy at home.

So this weekend I’m going to do more things that I enjoy (like those listed above) and spend some time thinking on what matters most in my life and ask how am I getting there?  It’s time for a happiness reboot and for me to turn off the autopilot.

Have you ever spent a long while in autopilot?  How did you snap out of it?