Comments on: Goodbye Guilt

By: Friday LinkStuff and Blog FreeLoaders Edition

Friday LinkStuff and Blog FreeLoaders Edition — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 23:43:22 +0000

[...] Dream had a great post about guilt from not being able to get everything done. He also uses bad words which I [...]

By: Candidate # 2 (The Rat)

Candidate # 2 (The Rat) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 15:31:59 +0000

Regarding your second bullet, I always wonder if I should write my posts in the night or during the next day and I find that I tend to do so in the day. I think I’m one of those who do better when there’s a bit of pressure to get something done.

By: Mrs Pillars

Mrs Pillars — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 13:32:43 +0000

This is something I struggle with daily. Making realistic “to do” lists helps a bit, but I usually still find something to feel guilty about.

Thanks for making me think about this. Maybe I’ll find a way to avoid the guilt today.

By: Financial Student

Financial Student — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:06:04 +0000

I feel guilty all the time too. A conflict between what I want to do and what I actually do. I’m not sure I want to ignore it because it can be motivating.

I think guilt is only a bad thing if your goals are unrealistic. I think it’s alright to let yourself have some free time. I feel guilty about not losing weight though and I chose to do nothing about it. I could just ignore the guilt, but the fact is I’m out of shape and I can see myself dying of a heart attack in the future. So, I’m hoping that guilt will motivate me to get up off the coach.

Like you and others said though changing habits can be quite difficult. I think Newton’s Law of Motion applies: “Objects in motion stay in motion, objects at rest stay at rest.”

By: Simple in France

Simple in France — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:45:52 +0000

Yeah . . . I always find a way to feel guilty. In fact, what usually happens is that I heap up an unreasonable amount of tasks on my to-do list. Then, when I do not do those things that I jotted down, I feel guilty. Even though I ran around doing 7 things from the list, if I didn’t get to one of them, I feel bad. One day, I might feel guilty that I didn’t have time to run an errand, the next I might feel guilty that I didn’t make time to exercise. I think you’re right, you just have to make yourself STOP.

But it’s hard.

Incidentally, in my case, sometimes when I’m highly overwhelmed with tasks, I write my list with the TIME I think each task will take. . .then I can see right away where I’m being unreasonable!

By: Robert

Robert — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:59:16 +0000

Here’s a story I like. An Australian heard about a famous Thai monk, Abbot Ajahn Chah, and traveled to his monastery to visit him. The monastery compound was packed with disciples, listening to the abbot teach. The foreigner sat patiently through the Thai speech, until the throng pressed the old monk for individual wisdom and blessings. Realising he wouldn’t be able to approach the monk before he had to leave to travel home, he got up. He saw some monks sweeping leaves at the front of the compound and he picked up a broom while he waited for his taxi.

A few minutes passed, and the young man felt a hand on his shoulder. There was Ajahn Chah, grinning from ear to ear. He said something in Thai, then left. A translating monk leaned over and said, Ajat Chan saw you during the speech. He says, if you’re going to sweep leaves, give it everything you’ve got.

The Australian decided to apply this teaching to everything he undertook in his life, and says it has made all the difference. (This story is from http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Who-Ordered-Truckload-Dung-Inspiring-Ajahn-Brahn/9780861712786-item.html?pticket=npkphn3njvrvfz4542wi3e55C9AsW%2bkPI7jFJe2z9v%2buADY4Vpw%3d a book I own and read as often as I can.)

The way I deal with guilt is to ask: what is the one thing I can do that will have the biggest positive impact on my life? Then I do that, giving it everything I’ve got. Sometimes it’s spending time with the kids, sometimes it’s sleeping or watching TV with my wife, sometimes it’s working. As long as I’m not wasting time, I don’t feel guilty.

By: jacqjolie

jacqjolie — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:18:45 +0000

I used to feel guilty a lot for procrastinating – especially on the huge project of renovating my house. This despite the fact that I was often working 60-80 hours a week at my job(s). It’s just unrealistic expectations, which most people who are quite accomplished are prone to have. What got you “here” won’t necessarily get you “there” – wherever that is.

At some point, you just realize you are only capable of so much, and no more. You need time to yourself to re-create in ways that you too enjoy, not necessarily what a 5 year old enjoys. The concept that children need to be entertained and played with by parents in particular is a fairly recent phenomenon. I say that, but my kids create a lot of guilt in me too for the same thing.

I think if you’ve read and been indoctrinated by any of the self help literature (like Brian Tracy or Tony Robbins), it can make you feel like you’re a loser if you’re not taking MASSIVE action and operating on all cylinders all the time. It’s quite difficult to deprogram yourself I’ve found.

The stress you’re experiencing can maybe be alleviated by realizing that it’s sometimes a good idea to take a more inspired approach to some of these things rather than “forcing the river”.

Maybe make your goals and expectations smaller and do a commitments audit?