Comments on: Teaching Your Kids ‘No’ http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/2009/09/08/teaching-your-kids-no/ A Blog About Early Retirement and Happiness Tue, 07 Sep 2010 17:54:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: JMK http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/2009/09/08/teaching-your-kids-no/comment-page-1/#comment-40335 JMK Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:26:13 +0000 http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/?p=950#comment-40335 The only store we are in regularly is the grocery store, but even so it seems to have entire aisles of toys, clothes and other tempting goodies. When we shop with the kids which isn't often they are now old enough to know that if it's not a real grocery item it isn't likely going in the cart. With our younger one we usually negotiate in advance that if we get through the store without any requests for stuff, then she can go collect her free cookie from the bakery. We told her they were only for kids who behaved in the store (if that makes us bad parents so be it). We've also tried making her responsible for a few budget decisions. Last trip she wanted to get a fancy fruit tart she spotted. I explained that it was very expensive because it took a lot of work for someone to cut up and arrange all the fruit. I then explained that we could make the same thing for much less if she was willing to help me. She learned that with a little hard work she could have what she wanted. Last time our teenaged son was along I intentionally sent him off to find the salsa. He came back holding a jar of his preferred brand and announced it was the most expensive type they had. Bingo. I prefer that brand also and would rather buy it less frequently than get a product none of us likes as well, so that was the discussion we had. I then sent him to select spaghetti sauce and mushroom soup. He came back with no name soup and an unfamiliar sauce that was on sale. I asked why he chose those ones and he explained that since the soup was for a casserole it wouldn't matter if it wasn't exactly like the more expensive one, and because we add meat and vegetables to the spaghetti sauce we could make any sauce taste fine. I love it when a plan comes together! With a teen it seems you have to set the stage for them to make a discovery on their own. They tend to tune you out quickly if you start trying to tell them what you think they need to know. The only store we are in regularly is the grocery store, but even so it seems to have entire aisles of toys, clothes and other tempting goodies. When we shop with the kids which isn’t often they are now old enough to know that if it’s not a real grocery item it isn’t likely going in the cart. With our younger one we usually negotiate in advance that if we get through the store without any requests for stuff, then she can go collect her free cookie from the bakery. We told her they were only for kids who behaved in the store (if that makes us bad parents so be it). We’ve also tried making her responsible for a few budget decisions. Last trip she wanted to get a fancy fruit tart she spotted. I explained that it was very expensive because it took a lot of work for someone to cut up and arrange all the fruit. I then explained that we could make the same thing for much less if she was willing to help me. She learned that with a little hard work she could have what she wanted.

Last time our teenaged son was along I intentionally sent him off to find the salsa. He came back holding a jar of his preferred brand and announced it was the most expensive type they had. Bingo. I prefer that brand also and would rather buy it less frequently than get a product none of us likes as well, so that was the discussion we had. I then sent him to select spaghetti sauce and mushroom soup. He came back with no name soup and an unfamiliar sauce that was on sale. I asked why he chose those ones and he explained that since the soup was for a casserole it wouldn’t matter if it wasn’t exactly like the more expensive one, and because we add meat and vegetables to the spaghetti sauce we could make any sauce taste fine. I love it when a plan comes together!

With a teen it seems you have to set the stage for them to make a discovery on their own. They tend to tune you out quickly if you start trying to tell them what you think they need to know.

]]> By: Jordan http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/2009/09/08/teaching-your-kids-no/comment-page-1/#comment-32794 Jordan Tue, 15 Sep 2009 09:05:14 +0000 http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/?p=950#comment-32794 We've not had big problem with the kids in toy area yet, luckily no tears or fights about buying things. Similar to Cheryl, when the kids ask to get something I've often redirecting them with "Maybe we'll get it for your birthday" and my son has really latched on to that idea on his own. Now everything he sees and likes he says "I want this for my birthday" or "can I get this for my birthday". He knows that's in the future and he has to wait until that day to get it. He doesn't even try to get it right then, he just shows us, maybe looks or plays with it a bit and puts it back. Of course by his birthday (or the next day) he'll long have forgotten about the toy. We’ve not had big problem with the kids in toy area yet, luckily no tears or fights about buying things. Similar to Cheryl, when the kids ask to get something I’ve often redirecting them with “Maybe we’ll get it for your birthday” and my son has really latched on to that idea on his own.

Now everything he sees and likes he says “I want this for my birthday” or “can I get this for my birthday”. He knows that’s in the future and he has to wait until that day to get it. He doesn’t even try to get it right then, he just shows us, maybe looks or plays with it a bit and puts it back. Of course by his birthday (or the next day) he’ll long have forgotten about the toy.

]]> By: Canadian Dream http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/2009/09/08/teaching-your-kids-no/comment-page-1/#comment-32525 Canadian Dream Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:16:04 +0000 http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/?p=950#comment-32525 George, Actually it doesn't sound so harsh. It depends on what the kids have/need/want. Chris L, That's one idea. Perhaps when he is a bit older to earn it. Right now following instructions is not always his strong point. Cheryl, It would be nice to find something that worked ALL the time, but that never happens. Thanks everyone, Tim George,

Actually it doesn’t sound so harsh. It depends on what the kids have/need/want.

Chris L,

That’s one idea. Perhaps when he is a bit older to earn it. Right now following instructions is not always his strong point.

Cheryl,

It would be nice to find something that worked ALL the time, but that never happens.

Thanks everyone,
Tim

]]> By: Cheryl http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/2009/09/08/teaching-your-kids-no/comment-page-1/#comment-32481 Cheryl Wed, 09 Sep 2009 10:23:05 +0000 http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/?p=950#comment-32481 I think we've stumbled on the same approach as you. *Before* we go into the store,we let our son (almost 5) know we're not buying anything for him. His birthday is coming up, so if he wants to look, we say he can put things on his birthday wish list. It works...most of the time. I think we’ve stumbled on the same approach as you. *Before* we go into the store,we let our son (almost 5) know we’re not buying anything for him. His birthday is coming up, so if he wants to look, we say he can put things on his birthday wish list. It works…most of the time.

]]> By: Chris L. http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/2009/09/08/teaching-your-kids-no/comment-page-1/#comment-32451 Chris L. Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:12:46 +0000 http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/?p=950#comment-32451 I like George's idea and also CD's idea as well. I think kids need to earn their own money by doing services or selling something to other people besides their parents. I don't think doing chores or cleaning your own room qualifies since as adults we have to do this for ourselves for free so it sets up an inaccurate picture of the real world. They can spend gift money though if they like or accept gifts from others because as adults we get these too. Any non-essential item should be earned. I think lending kids out to other people for labour is a great way to develop a sense of money and what things cost. Of course they should be paid a real wage, not a pity wage and do good work. If not, I guess they'll have to find a new employer or else do without their desires. I like George’s idea and also CD’s idea as well. I think kids need to earn their own money by doing services or selling something to other people besides their parents. I don’t think doing chores or cleaning your own room qualifies since as adults we have to do this for ourselves for free so it sets up an inaccurate picture of the real world. They can spend gift money though if they like or accept gifts from others because as adults we get these too. Any non-essential item should be earned. I think lending kids out to other people for labour is a great way to develop a sense of money and what things cost. Of course they should be paid a real wage, not a pity wage and do good work. If not, I guess they’ll have to find a new employer or else do without their desires.

]]> By: George http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/2009/09/08/teaching-your-kids-no/comment-page-1/#comment-32450 George Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:03:26 +0000 http://blog.canadian-dream-free-at-45.com/?p=950#comment-32450 I find "Have you saved up for it?" and "Is it on our shopping list?" works wonders with my kids. We don't buy stuff for the kids except for special occasions (birthdays, Christmas). Other than that they have to save their own money and choose what they'd like to buy. It sounds harsh, but we don't have kids begging for us to buy them stuff when we go to a store. I find “Have you saved up for it?” and “Is it on our shopping list?” works wonders with my kids.

We don’t buy stuff for the kids except for special occasions (birthdays, Christmas). Other than that they have to save their own money and choose what they’d like to buy.

It sounds harsh, but we don’t have kids begging for us to buy them stuff when we go to a store.

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